THE HOME - Part 3

In many of the fairy tales of our youth, the story line goes something like this: boy meets girl, they fall in love; but some serious difficulty arises potentially destroying the possibility of their marrying, but they manage to overcome the obstacle, marry, and “live happily ever after.”  That ending, “happily ever after,” is what every newlywed couple desires for their marriage. But how is it achieved?  Is it the result of some magical, but unknown, ingredient?  Is it the luck of the draw, something that “just happens” to the lucky ones?  The formula for happily ever after is the result of an old fashioned idea: work.

In their book 60 One-Minute Marriage-Builders, published in 1989, Dave and Claudia Arp cite the results of a poll that revealed  “the number one cause of marriage breakups is a failure of partners to work at their marriage?  Think about this - the number one cause of divorce is preventable!  You can do something to insure that you are not a statistic!” (Page 1) But Cinderella and Prince Charming did not have to work at it!  True, but they did not really exist either, did they?

What is meant by work?  It means both people in the marriage must put forth effort.  The number one element for work is time.  About now some are thinking, “I did not work to get married, why should I need to do it to stay married?  The truth is nearly everyone who is married spent time working on getting married.  You men worked hard to get her attention, then you began dating.  While on those dates, you probably talked about many different things. You tried to find out what she liked and disliked; then you took her where she liked to go and probably bought her something she liked as a gift.  That was a good start, but are you still doing those things?  A wise man once told of advice he received from his uncle: “If you bought her a candy bar while courting her, you need to buy her one every now and then after you are married.”  You ladies worked too, much like he did.  Your hair was fixed and you wore just the right clothes for his visits and dates.  You no doubt talked to him about his likes and dislikes, goals, desires, etc.

Are you still doing it?  Are you still talking about likes and dislikes, goals, desires, etc.  If not, why not?  Are you still trying to please each other?  Are you still working at love like you did back then?  If not, why not?  Not enough time?  Make it, your marriage is worth it.

—Denton Landon