THE HOME - Part 2

In the previous article, a short examination was made of the effects of divorce on children.  The evidence is in, and it shows divorce has serious negative effects upon the innocent children involved.  It is no doubt one reason God hates divorce and every couple should do all they possibly can to remain married.

What can couples do to avoid the road to divorce?  One very important element for any successful marriage is communication.  But communication involves more than talking to each other. Many people talk regularly but no real communication takes place because the things discussed reveal nothing important.  Talking about needed house repairs, yard maintenance, what’s for supper, etc. are things couples need to discuss, but those things have no real bearing on their relationship.

Another barrier to real communication is the way we talk.  The words used as well as the way they are used with gestures, facial expressions, and attitude all can destroy real communication.  “I am just picken at you” is a phrase often used to indicate the speaker does not really mean what is said.  But someone once observed, “Many a truth is spoken in jest.”  In other words often someone will say something, make it appear he or she is just having fun, but what was said conveys some truth about what the speaker really thinks or feels.  The one on the receiving end may detect a little truth in the “picken” and hurt may result.

Sometimes the words used by husband or wife, or both, are designed to hurt the other.  Many reasons can lead to this.  One may have been hurt by something said or done by the other, so the reaction is to hurt back.  Or it may grow out of the need to defend one’s self against an accusation.  But it is not the way to encourage a growing love, rather it can destroy it.

What should couple’s do?  First they need to be honest with each other. If something is bothering one or the other, sit down and discuss it.  If something was said done that hurt, it must be pointed out. We all are capable of saying or doing something that is misunderstood and causes hurt.  We all can also say something when upset that should not be said.  Unless pointed out and worked through, these things begin a process of hurting which grows.  Once the process begins, it can grow from small hurts to larger ones, and could eventually lead to resentment and lost love.

The Bible addresses how we should speak.  The wise man wrote, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.  The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1,2).  A soft answer and wise use of information go a long way toward proper communication. Notice also from Paul’s pen, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:6). Gracious speech is properly seasoned making it “taste” better.  When couples talk the result should never be a “bitter taste.”

Let us all work on our communication skills, especially those who are married.

—Denny Landon